The Untold Story of How Christmas Songs Ruined My Childhood

analysis
I have never been a great fan of Santa Claus, even if during my childhood years I was being led to believe by several adults that this nice fat man with a beard apparently gives out gifts to children who behaved and were nice throughout the year. I didn't really buy this so I made trouble everywhere I went, without the thought of landing in Santa's naughty list crossing my mind.

I honestly didn't care about all this Santa crap, nor did I believe he was real. And I think I owe it to several Christmas songs for ruining the image of Santa and my childhood at that.

Come on, I wish I were a little more innocent that I had believed in Santa or in something that magical, even. But thanks to these Christmas songs I've listened to as a kid, I've gotten quite suspicious. Though I didn't really understand what they truly meant when I was a kid, I still felt a bit peeved while listening to them. It just gave me this feeling of distrust. It wasn't even just about Santa anymore, because plenty of these supposedly festive songs just gave me this sinking feeling inside. 

Now that I'm older, I took the liberty to research the lyrics and make my own analysis.

And boy, I wish I hadn't.

1. Santa Baby

I first heard Madonna's version of this and I didn't quite understand the lyrics as a child but it surely disturbed me. When I got older, I realized that the song was about this woman flirting with Santa and asking him to sleep with her and give her cars, money, a yacht, and other fancy stuff. Not sure if said woman is a prostitute, but the thought of an old nice man who's usually likened to a grandfather figure sleeping with this younger woman is certainly not that nice of an image. Believe me.

I also don't know if I have a dirty mind or these lyrics really are euphemisms for something else a bit more sensual:

"Hurry down the chimney tonight" "Come and trim my Christmas tree" 

The History of Christmas

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In this post, I want to talk about the history of Christmas, the real one. 

I'm gonna start off by saying that Christmas started out as a pagan holiday called 'Saturnalia'. This isn't really big news but I'm only getting started. 

'Saturnalia' is a week long celebration wherein each Roman community will pick a victim to represent the 'Lord of Misrule' and this victim will indulge in food and other physical pleasures for a whole week, at the end of this week they brutally kill the victim thinking that this would destroy the forces of evil. In addition to all of this, people would also get heavily drunk, go from house to house while singing naked, raping people, eating human-shaped cookies (gingerbread man?), and many more.

So, how did a celebration like this become Christmas for us? Christian leaders thought that taking this festival and making it a Christian celebration would turn the pagan masses into Christians. Their problem was that ' Saturnalia' had nothing to do with Christianity, so to remedy this, they named 'Saturnalia's' concluding day (December 25) as the day of Jesus Christ's birth. 

 Christmas is a lie! They say that it's the day of Christ's birth! They have millions believing it; even I believed it, but of course, thanks to google, I know better. 

Pope Paul II actually forced Jews to run naked through the streets of Rome to amuse the Roman citizen and it is said that the Jews were richly fed before the race so as to make it harder for them and more amusing for the Romans.

Anyway, before I start cursing those Christian leaders who made up the lie, I will talk about some of the most popular Christmas traditions. I'll try not to ruin your view on these things, like I probably did with the Christmas thing.

1. Mistletoe
'Kissing under the mistletoe' is actually a later synthesis of the sexual license of Saturnalia with the Druidic sacrificial cult. Druid rituals use mistletoe to poison their human sacrificial victim.